It’s Time to End the Cycle of Over-Giving

For the longest time, I believed my purpose in life was to give—to share my blessings with others, even at the expense of my own well-being. I thought that kindness meant self-sacrifice and that the more I gave, the more valuable I became to the people around me.

But I was wrong.

I wasn’t just generous—I was over-giving. And instead of being appreciated, I was being taken for granted. I convinced myself that I was doing the right thing, but deep down, I was avoiding the painful truth: I was enabling people to use me. I was pouring from an empty cup, exhausting myself just to keep others comfortable.

I told myself it was kindness, but in reality, it was self-neglect.

Understanding My Over-Giving

To break free from this cycle, I needed to understand why I was giving so much. What was driving me to overextend myself? After deep reflection, I uncovered three painful truths.

1. I Confused Responsibility with Obligation

Being the eldest child, I was raised to believe that my needs should always come second. I was taught to put my family first, to care for others before myself, and to sacrifice without question. I carried this mindset into adulthood, believing that it was my duty to take care of everyone around me.

But I failed to see that true kindness isn’t about exhausting yourself—it’s about finding balance. Giving should be a choice, not a lifelong obligation.

2. I Thought Generosity Was the Key to Keeping People in My Life

For years, I believed that if I stopped giving, I would lose the people around me. And in many ways, I was right.

A few years ago, I faced a painful realization—many of the people I called "friends" were only around because they benefited from my generosity. The moment I stopped paying for their outings, stopped inviting them over, and stopped making sacrifices they never reciprocated—they vanished.

At first, it hurt. I wanted to believe that our friendships were real. But when they cut ties with me and even spread false stories, I finally understood: they were never my friends—they were just takers.

Real friendships are built on mutual care, not one-sided giving.

3. I Feared That Holding Back Meant Losing Everything

Another reason I over-gave was fear. A part of me believed that if I didn’t share what I had, I would somehow end up with nothing. I had convinced myself that generosity was the key to keeping abundance flowing in my life.

But in reality, my excessive giving wasn’t a sign of strength—it was a sign of self-worth issues. I was giving out of fear, not love. And fear-based giving will always leave you empty.

Setting Boundaries and Finding Balance

I finally realized that it was time to break the cycle. Giving isn’t wrong—I will always be someone who shares what I have. But now, I understand that generosity should never come at the cost of my own well-being.

Since setting boundaries, something amazing has happened. The people around me have stopped expecting so much. They have become more independent. My life has become less stressful. I no longer feel burdened by the weight of everyone else's expectations.

Letting Go of the Fear

I no longer fear losing friends because I’ve learned that true friends don’t stay because of what you give—they stay because of who you are.

I no longer feel guilty for prioritizing myself, because self-care is not selfish—it’s necessary.

I will always be a giver. It is in my nature to be kind and to share. But I will no longer give to the point of losing myself.