The Night I Chose to Stay

Today is Suicide Prevention Day.
And I need to tell you something I’ve kept quiet for a long time.

There was a night when I tried to end my life.

I had just finished high school when I found out that my father couldn’t afford to send me to college. Everything in me collapsed. I was the eldest. I believed, with every part of me, that it was my responsibility to pull our family out of poverty. That belief became a burden. It whispered that I had to succeed, or everything would fall apart.

I thought education was my only way out, but without money or resources, even that felt impossible. People say there are scholarships, and yes, maybe there are, but back then I didn’t believe I was good enough. I didn’t have the same tools other students had. No books. No review materials. No support. Just pressure and silence.

That silence nearly killed me.

One night, while everyone in the house was asleep, I isolated myself. I cried. I prayed. I had already taken something that I thought would end it all. But somewhere between my tears and that quiet, desperate prayer, I felt something shift. I found the strength to save myself. I forced myself to throw up what I had taken. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

Looking back now, I know that decision saved more than just me.

If I had died that night, I would have left behind a mother with a heart condition. A father who later passed away. Two younger siblings who might have been completely lost. A family that, despite our imperfections, loves deeply.

And I would have missed all the blessings that came after. I’m in a place now where I can help. I’m slowly giving my family the kind of life my father once dreamed of for us. I’ve returned to school. I’m taking an allied health course, and for the first time, I feel like I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.

There are still tough days. There are still moments when everything feels too much. But now I hold on to something stronger: faith, purpose, and love. My love for my family. My quiet belief that I can still become the person I was meant to be.

If you’re going through something right now, I want you to know this. You’re not weak. You’re not alone. And this moment, as painful as it is, does not define your whole life.

Find your support system. Even if it's just one person. Look for people who won’t judge you, who won’t add drama, who just make you feel safe. Sometimes their quiet presence is enough to give you hope.

And please, never compare your journey to others. Life isn’t a race. You are allowed to go slow. You are allowed to rediscover yourself again and again until it feels right.

If ever you feel like you have no one, reach out. Call a hotline. Talk to someone. There is help. You matter.

NCMH Crisis Hotline (24/7 Free Service)
📞 1553 (Landline - toll-free)
📞 1800 1888 1553 (PLDT and Smart)
📱 0919 057 1553 (Globe/TM)
📱 0917 899 8727 (Globe/TM)

You are not alone. You are loved. Please stay.

I’m still here. And I’m so grateful I stayed.